Looks are really not that important

  • By Paul Numan
  • Posted 19 August 2022

Looks are really not that important

Why does the question of looks vs personality always require so much thinking when trying to choose a partner? The reality is if you asked long term couples they would say personality and their partner’s belief system are way more important than their looks. The real question is why do the current dating apps push looks as the only criteria for finding love when other virtues are massively undervalued?

Yes, of course attraction is the initiator of any intimate encounter, but it is enough for an attractive lover to say just a few words to turn a person off and on the other hand an unattractive acquaintance can light up a person's day with just a funny phrase. Many say that beauty is only skin-deep which is quite right as it's definitely not the glue that will hold any relationship together - even a quick one.  

Over the past month dating apps have been voted as the least liked apps with overall satisfaction ratings at their lowest. We are also seeing quite a large number of couples breaking up. So why are we getting relationships all wrong and why in this day and age can't we find someone perfect for everyone?

According to dating company Katch.ie, society is flawed in the way it perceives finding love. “For example, if you were to place 50 women and 50 men into a room and not allow them to mingle, 90% of the women would go for the most attractive / confident men and the men would do somewhat the same. But once you allow them to mingle with one another these figures would change. To take this a little further, if you were to beforehand group these men and women into personality / belief structured groups and then allow them to mingle, the matching rates would be much higher than before. So why do we place looks before personality? When a person creates friendships they base it on personality and not on how a person looks. A research study showed that relationships where partners are friends last the longest - so something is not right in how we are seeking love today” says Paul Numan, Katch CEO.

“While on vacation I met a couple who were married for a couple of years and had two children. While having a few too many drinks the wife started to open up and talk about problems they were having. At first these marital problems sounded normal but after a while they sounded more and more like my divorced parents' issues. Without going into each issue, it was clear to me that they were not friends, just two people who have kids together and their belief structure around habitat, money, wealth, fun and lifestyle were completely different. After the evening I briefly pondered and thought about what the future holds for this couple and what was the glue that holds them together - but firmly realized that they have deeply incompatible personalities” he continues.

Overall, personality matches people better but also creates a higher chance of that couple staying together. The big question is can it be packaged in a way that convinces people to use it? With swiping sites it's the super sexy face that immediately attracts and sells the user into buying, while personality is not really a marketable product. It's more like an out of shape organic carrot which is healthy and good for you but doesn’t appeal at first - until it becomes a vital commodity once the industry realizes that the alternative is not the healthy option.


Paul Numan is a leading dating expert on mingling and finding the perfect partner among the crowd.  He is CEO at Katch and has over 20 years experience in information technology and business relations.  He is an avid party DJ and a former kickboxing champion in Ireland.

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